The following list of priceless knowledge, my friends, is a work-in-progress post. As most of us know, everything that a moderately good southern woman knows in one way or another, originated from Steal Magnolia's. Feel free to add your own additions to this list.
1. "Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me"! This is truly a quote to live by. Tell it like it is, and if people don't like it, go get your news somewhere else!
2. Southern names are the best: For instance, who wouldn't wanna get a perm from a woman named Truvy? Don't you wish your mom's name was M'Lynn? My personal favorite: Ouisa (promounced WEE-ZUH), and she's not as nice as she used to me. Clairee (richer than God), Shelby, Annelle (who may or not be, married to someone who might be a dangerous criminal), Drum and Sammy (proving that all names are made better simply by adding a "Y" or "ie" at the end). Because southern names are fabulous, this is precisely why I demand that my future daughter has 2 middle names- it's truly southern, and it's truly fabulous. Deal with it Allen!:-)
3. "Louie brought his girlfriend home and the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos are spelled correctly." Self-explanatory people. Spell your tattoos correctly, and if you must get the Chinese tattoo, make sure you actually do know what it means.
4. "That's nice of them to let you talk on the radio! Nice nothing, I own it!" Why work somewhere when you own the place?
5. "That Jackson is one big hangin' man"...."I Know"...'nuff said.
6. My weddin'? My weddin'!
Truvy: What are your colors, Shelby? Shelby: My colors are "blush" and "bashful." M'Lynn: Her colors are "pink" and pink." Shelby: My colors are "blush" and "bashful" Mama! M'Lynn: How pretentious is this weddin' gonna get, I ask you?
7. Annelle: Sammy Wayne Desoto, what is this in my Frigidaire? Sammy: Beer. Annelle: I don't care what you do with your refrigerator, but you will not keep liquor in mine. [dumps the beer out in the yard] Sammy: Oh, Annelle, for Christ's sake! Annelle: Who? Who did you say? Sammy: Christ, Christ, Christ! Annelle: Are you speaking of our Lord? Is that whose name you're taking in vain? Sammy: That's the one. Annelle: Well, I'm sorry, Sammy. But I am not about to spend the next fifty years of my life with someone I'm not gonna run into in the hereafter. Sammy: Oh, Annelle, goddammit! Annelle: I think we should pray. Sammy: Oh, I'd rather eat dirt!
